This weekend was something we call General Conference in the church, its a satelite transmitted meeting worldwide that lets all of all leaders talk to the entire world at once. You can read more about it at http://www.lds.org/ and http://www.mormon.org/. Today I want to give you some impressions I had from a talk from meeting. And these songs might give you an idea of what the talk was about. I will especially encourage you to listen to the first song and read the lyrics.
Relient K - When I go down - Lyrics (http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/relientk/whenigodown.html)
http://open.spotify.com/track/0UnmayheSTYN52BlZij5Qc
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDskMF54vnw
Incubus - Dig
http://open.spotify.com/track/5Ewxkv3FsTwxJUDbOPAOwL
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nMsZ6wkZWhA&ob=av2e
Incubus - Love hurts
http://open.spotify.com/track/2kMdKdVh0t03HBuRcstafT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zxPcmi1U25g
Incubus - Diamonds and coal
http://open.spotify.com/track/43utXSeYkkua81p25Z2TFw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3m3kvTE7XKI
Snow Patrol - Run
http://open.spotify.com/track/19EmyfsVBD9YnLrxPPrDaH
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOBs8dU4Pb8&ob=av2n
But at this conference there was a talk that impressed me. In this talk the person gave an example of a man painting the floor of a room and he had the bright idea of starting from the door and then painted himself into a corner. A well know mistake for most of us. But his point was that when you are in this corner that you have painted youself into there is no window and no door and it seems like there is no way out of there, well there still is a way. But it will be a painfull and you will have to repair the damage. The solution is to walk over the floor, ruining some of the floor you have already painted and then fixing it again afterwards. It will hurt your pride, it will hurt the floor and it will demand some work.
How many of us would like to just paint ourselfs a window to escape out of when we have painted ourselfs into the corner? Why are we looking for the easy way out? Looking for the quick fix and running away from the difficult path of redemption. What happens if we do this?
In stead of going through the hard way, that might seem overwhelming we choose the easy way, because we think that we can escape our problems by not facing them. We think that if you don't have to face them we don't have to face the though and hard feelings that come with facing them. We thikn that if we run it won't catch up with us and we can continue living like nothing happened. But what are the consequenses of running?
We also let go of a wonderful opportunity of learning. We might leave someone hurt behind and do not heal their or our wounds. And you leave the past to haunt you. Like a bad consience that never will let you feel comfortable with yourself again.
What if you choose the hard way? What if you take the pain and face the hurt, problems and troubles that you have caused? Like diamonds and coal we need to be refined and it burs. But when you do this you say yes to the opportunity to learn from your mistakes. You are proving that you are not the proud one that declines help and refuses to see that, like everyone else I also have flaws. And that makes you kind, merciful and human. And you accept that each situation has something to teach you about life.
A part of the hard path is doing good what you did wrong. This will help you get closure. Either if it was towards yourself or towards others. You must forgive yourself or others, or apologize to yourself or others. And the ghost of your past will not haunt you. But leave you with a feeling of peace, calm and you will have become wiser.
So whenever you think about taking the easy way out, think about what the consequences of that choice is. Do you want hurt feelings and your conscious to haunt you. Or do you accept that every hard path is a way to learn and get closure in your life. Healing yourself and the people around you. Don't run, but face the opportunity in front of you. You problems do not go away simply if they are ignored. (Relient K)
- VforVegard
Showing posts with label when i go down. Show all posts
Showing posts with label when i go down. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Do break-ups break even or is one hurting more?
When you break up with someone there are always two different stories, two different paths, two different hurts and two different ways of recovery. One thing is that it always hurts more for one person than for the other. One is breaking up and when is getting broken up with. I have myself this year experienced both of these. In the beginning of july I broke up with a girlfriend and in september now my girlfriend broke up with me. And there is a difference between the two.
One of my favorite songs describes this very good.
The Script - Breakeven
http://open.spotify.com/track/1fyysXwSGNtMeqMBLwW3SI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzCLLHscMOw&ob=av2n
It it is normally the case that for the one breaking up the hurt starts before the break-up, when he/she realizes that this relationship is not going to work and then it ends up in a positive feeling at the break-up, where the pain of breaking up and hurting someone turns into relieve for the person, because the hard part is over and the right decicion might have been made. I'm not saying that it's not difficult after the break-up, because you still feel bad for the person you broke up with, but you feel that you have made the right choice so it's mostly a positive feeling. These are the steps that I have been able to identify for the person breaking up.
1. feels insecure about the relationship
2. feels that it is not right anymore
3. feels that he/she should break up, feels bad about it
4. gathers the courage to break up
5. breaks up
6. moves on and is relieved, but feels sad for the other person
The one that has gotten broken up with might have caught on to the clues that have come over the time before the break-up, but this person usually still feels that the relationship is good and that he/she still loves or is in love with the other person. Often the break-up don't come as a shock, but still you hoped and believed that the time would never come. In my case this last time it did come as a shock though. But the break-up always feels like a shock no matter what and realizing that it is over and trying to forget the other person is hard. It hurts.
1. the shock with depression and hurt
2. realizing that it is over
3. trying to open his/her heart again
4. trying to let the person out of his/her heart
5. finding out that there are other people that can make me as happy as this one did
6. trusting him/herself to let other people in again after the hurt
So after a break-up there are always one that is hurting and one that feels relieved. This can turn into complications. Often the one that has the positive feeling, feels sad that it is over, but still wants to be friends with the person. While the other person that is hurting still feels that the only person that can make him/her happy is the person that just broke up with him/her and everytime he/her looks at that other person he/she feels the pain of not being able to be with that person anymore. How can you be friends with someone you want something more with?
So when a couple breaks up the pain meets in the middle. The person breaking up hurts till the break-up and the other person hurts after the break-up.
So the next time you break up with someone or are broken up with, think about what the other person is feeling. It might not help you feel better, but it will help you understand why the other person is acting as he/she is.
Some other good break-up songs that describe the process of breaking up are some of Relient Ks songs. These songs range from trying to break up, the hurt of falling, accepting it, getting over it and finally moving on. Enjoy!
"Let it all out" - http://open.spotify.com/track/735qAiZmNFtJY9LOPfuU7j, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0En7JZ0KQc
"if you want it" - http://open.spotify.com/track/1HQzR26k6EB6Y0OYXgY6Sf, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLGjwLfm9QU
"When I go down" - http://open.spotify.com/track/0UnmayheSTYN52BlZij5Qc, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDskMF54vnw
"Hope for every fallen man" - http://open.spotify.com/track/4M8f6yF9AYia4tTOxyVWGf, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIaQmrIt3l0
"Over it" - http://open.spotify.com/track/1PVHCzypfSLf1CpSEYdFN1, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11R2qfBAv0I
"There was another time in my life" - http://open.spotify.com/track/42F8x80IQqXvp9XWEpAB7x, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIGbPTC7ITg
- VforVegard
One of my favorite songs describes this very good.
The Script - Breakeven
http://open.spotify.com/track/1fyysXwSGNtMeqMBLwW3SI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzCLLHscMOw&ob=av2n
It it is normally the case that for the one breaking up the hurt starts before the break-up, when he/she realizes that this relationship is not going to work and then it ends up in a positive feeling at the break-up, where the pain of breaking up and hurting someone turns into relieve for the person, because the hard part is over and the right decicion might have been made. I'm not saying that it's not difficult after the break-up, because you still feel bad for the person you broke up with, but you feel that you have made the right choice so it's mostly a positive feeling. These are the steps that I have been able to identify for the person breaking up.
1. feels insecure about the relationship
2. feels that it is not right anymore
3. feels that he/she should break up, feels bad about it
4. gathers the courage to break up
5. breaks up
6. moves on and is relieved, but feels sad for the other person
The one that has gotten broken up with might have caught on to the clues that have come over the time before the break-up, but this person usually still feels that the relationship is good and that he/she still loves or is in love with the other person. Often the break-up don't come as a shock, but still you hoped and believed that the time would never come. In my case this last time it did come as a shock though. But the break-up always feels like a shock no matter what and realizing that it is over and trying to forget the other person is hard. It hurts.
1. the shock with depression and hurt
2. realizing that it is over
3. trying to open his/her heart again
4. trying to let the person out of his/her heart
5. finding out that there are other people that can make me as happy as this one did
6. trusting him/herself to let other people in again after the hurt
So after a break-up there are always one that is hurting and one that feels relieved. This can turn into complications. Often the one that has the positive feeling, feels sad that it is over, but still wants to be friends with the person. While the other person that is hurting still feels that the only person that can make him/her happy is the person that just broke up with him/her and everytime he/her looks at that other person he/she feels the pain of not being able to be with that person anymore. How can you be friends with someone you want something more with?
So when a couple breaks up the pain meets in the middle. The person breaking up hurts till the break-up and the other person hurts after the break-up.
So the next time you break up with someone or are broken up with, think about what the other person is feeling. It might not help you feel better, but it will help you understand why the other person is acting as he/she is.
Some other good break-up songs that describe the process of breaking up are some of Relient Ks songs. These songs range from trying to break up, the hurt of falling, accepting it, getting over it and finally moving on. Enjoy!
"Let it all out" - http://open.spotify.com/track/735qAiZmNFtJY9LOPfuU7j, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0En7JZ0KQc
"if you want it" - http://open.spotify.com/track/1HQzR26k6EB6Y0OYXgY6Sf, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLGjwLfm9QU
"When I go down" - http://open.spotify.com/track/0UnmayheSTYN52BlZij5Qc, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDskMF54vnw
"Hope for every fallen man" - http://open.spotify.com/track/4M8f6yF9AYia4tTOxyVWGf, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIaQmrIt3l0
"Over it" - http://open.spotify.com/track/1PVHCzypfSLf1CpSEYdFN1, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11R2qfBAv0I
"There was another time in my life" - http://open.spotify.com/track/42F8x80IQqXvp9XWEpAB7x, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIGbPTC7ITg
- VforVegard
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