When you break up with someone there are always two different stories, two different paths, two different hurts and two different ways of recovery. One thing is that it always hurts more for one person than for the other. One is breaking up and when is getting broken up with. I have myself this year experienced both of these. In the beginning of july I broke up with a girlfriend and in september now my girlfriend broke up with me. And there is a difference between the two.
One of my favorite songs describes this very good.
The Script - Breakeven
http://open.spotify.com/track/1fyysXwSGNtMeqMBLwW3SI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzCLLHscMOw&ob=av2n
It it is normally the case that for the one breaking up the hurt starts before the break-up, when he/she realizes that this relationship is not going to work and then it ends up in a positive feeling at the break-up, where the pain of breaking up and hurting someone turns into relieve for the person, because the hard part is over and the right decicion might have been made. I'm not saying that it's not difficult after the break-up, because you still feel bad for the person you broke up with, but you feel that you have made the right choice so it's mostly a positive feeling. These are the steps that I have been able to identify for the person breaking up.
1. feels insecure about the relationship
2. feels that it is not right anymore
3. feels that he/she should break up, feels bad about it
4. gathers the courage to break up
5. breaks up
6. moves on and is relieved, but feels sad for the other person
The one that has gotten broken up with might have caught on to the clues that have come over the time before the break-up, but this person usually still feels that the relationship is good and that he/she still loves or is in love with the other person. Often the break-up don't come as a shock, but still you hoped and believed that the time would never come. In my case this last time it did come as a shock though. But the break-up always feels like a shock no matter what and realizing that it is over and trying to forget the other person is hard. It hurts.
1. the shock with depression and hurt
2. realizing that it is over
3. trying to open his/her heart again
4. trying to let the person out of his/her heart
5. finding out that there are other people that can make me as happy as this one did
6. trusting him/herself to let other people in again after the hurt
So after a break-up there are always one that is hurting and one that feels relieved. This can turn into complications. Often the one that has the positive feeling, feels sad that it is over, but still wants to be friends with the person. While the other person that is hurting still feels that the only person that can make him/her happy is the person that just broke up with him/her and everytime he/her looks at that other person he/she feels the pain of not being able to be with that person anymore. How can you be friends with someone you want something more with?
So when a couple breaks up the pain meets in the middle. The person breaking up hurts till the break-up and the other person hurts after the break-up.
So the next time you break up with someone or are broken up with, think about what the other person is feeling. It might not help you feel better, but it will help you understand why the other person is acting as he/she is.
Some other good break-up songs that describe the process of breaking up are some of Relient Ks songs. These songs range from trying to break up, the hurt of falling, accepting it, getting over it and finally moving on. Enjoy!
"Let it all out" - http://open.spotify.com/track/735qAiZmNFtJY9LOPfuU7j, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0En7JZ0KQc
"if you want it" - http://open.spotify.com/track/1HQzR26k6EB6Y0OYXgY6Sf, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLGjwLfm9QU
"When I go down" - http://open.spotify.com/track/0UnmayheSTYN52BlZij5Qc, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TDskMF54vnw
"Hope for every fallen man" - http://open.spotify.com/track/4M8f6yF9AYia4tTOxyVWGf, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pIaQmrIt3l0
"Over it" - http://open.spotify.com/track/1PVHCzypfSLf1CpSEYdFN1, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11R2qfBAv0I
"There was another time in my life" - http://open.spotify.com/track/42F8x80IQqXvp9XWEpAB7x, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIGbPTC7ITg
- VforVegard
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